Ever feel like you’re doing everything right, but your people skills just aren’t cutting it? You’re not alone. Many reps struggle with connecting authentically, and it can hold back your business growth. Imagine if you could turn every interaction into a meaningful connection that propels your success. That’s exactly what Jon Lavin dives into in this session. He shares the secrets to mastering the art of people skills, from making a great first impression to influencing and persuading with ease. It’s not just about the basics; it’s about transforming how you engage with others to build trust and rapport. This isn’t just another training—it’s a game-changer for anyone serious about taking their business to the next level. Watch the video below and discover the breakthrough tips that can make all the difference in your Primerica journey.
Video Transcription:
What a venue.
What an event.
Going to dig right in.
You know, I.
I’ve been with the company now, it’s hard for me to say this, but for 44 years.
So for 44 years, I’ve had a chance to plug into events, and I got to tell you, I am so excited for the next 44.
Look what’s going on here.
I mean, this is amazing.
The numbers are amazing.
And I’ve been always known as fundamentals guy, and I always worked so hard.
When I got in the business, I went to college right here in Tampa and played college golf.
And that was my dream, to be a golf professional.
And when it got pretty clear to me that wasn’t going to work out, I had to figure out, how am I going to.
I’m not going to work at a country club anymore.
I worked at country club since I was a kid, in the bag room and on the range and in the pro shop.
And I saw a lot of those guys that did that were miserable.
Okay? I did not like where they’re.
But I had a chance.
When you work at a country club, you’re around a lot of wealthy people, and I got a chance to get to know them.
And somewhere along the way, I made a decision that I wanted that for myself and my future family.
And I was dating Patty, and were together, and we had dreams, and then I got in the business.
I think, really, my success really is our success.
And I think she’s two thirds of it.
I mean, literally, Patty is.
And she can’t be.
Her mom’s not doing well, so she’s with her mom.
She’ll be all right, but she’s with her mom.
You know, that’s the freedom this business gives us, to do what you want, when you want, where you want, how you want, without any financial concerns.
I heard Josh talking about doing something special.
So your kids never have.
No one ever has their thumb on your kids.
And that’s happened.
I look at the Ortiz family.
That’s happened for so many of us.
And now I’ve got grandchildren.
I’ve got three grandchildren.
And I look at them, and I look at the business that we’ve built, and I look at the assets that we’ve accumulated and their lives.
They’re going to be set.
I mean, they’re set.
And to know that gives me such.
So to think that I walked in here and I learned some fundamentals.
I learned how to present.
I learned how to prospect, and I learned how to set appointments.
I learned how to close and overcome objections, and I learned how to recruit people, and I learned how to get them started, and I learned how to rally to events.
Right.
I learned some basics.
But the thing that happened about a year ago is my son, who’s in the business, Zach, who’s really my business partner, day in and day out.
Now, he’s unbelievable.
He and one of our top rvps, John Conover, they said to, you know, you’re always talking about fundamentals, but the fundamental that you’re best at, I mean, we’ve watched you now, the thing that you do better than almost anybody we know is you make friends everywhere you go.
Like, that’s really your skill.
I think you need to do a talk on net.
I said, okay, well, and that was a year ago.
And so for a year they’ve been asking me to do it.
And I said, well, really what I need to do is I need to go back and reread the book skill with people by Les Giblin.
Okay? He has another book called the art of dealing with people.
How many of you have read either of these books? Raise your hand.
Okay.
Raise your hand if you have not actually stand up.
If you have not stand up.
If you have not.
Okay, great.
Okay, so your assignment is to go buy these $5 books on Amazon.
Not now.
Do it later.
Some of you are like, okay, you can sit down.
Okay, you can sit down.
I know you’re that way because I would have already ordered it.
But that’s not skills with people.
That’s not paying attention.
That’s a different subject.
Okay? That’s called being distracted by your phone.
It’s not part of this program.
Right? So these books, so I want to go into this with you because I really think, and I’m going to fly through it, you’ll get the book.
And let me tell you, it takes about maybe if you’re a slow reader, maybe an hour to read the book.
Okay? So you can read it over and over and over again.
And for most of you, really, and I was talking to Andy backstage, we talk about the fundamentals, but the reality is, as I look back, the only real fundamental you need is people skills.
Like if you spent the majority of your time on how to have a pleasing, pleasant personality and how to make people feel special, I think that’s what Vance was talking about earlier.
If you spent your time studying human nature and studying this subject, pushing up people by art Williams, if you did that and mastered that, you could fumble around with the crappiest presentation in the world, that people will feel sorry for you and like you and say, well, no worries.
Just get the information and you can come back.
We’d love.
We’ll have you for dinner.
And bring your family.
I mean, if you’re good at people, it’s mind boggling how fast you can make this business grow.
So let’s kind of dig in.
Skill with people.
So understanding people and human nature.
Here’s the first thing to understand now, by the way, this is a new talk for me.
Normally, I don’t do talks and look at slides, right? This is new talk.
So if you see me looking at the slide and you’re wondering why I’m not looking at the audience, because my last slide says, look at the audience.
Okay, so if you’re wondering about, by the way, I learned more about people skills doing this PowerPoint than I have in years.
So recognize that people’s primary interest is in themselves.
Every one of your favorite subject is who? Have you ever met anybody? And you meet them and they say hello, and they instantly start talking about themselves.
They don’t really even ask you anything about yourselves, about you.
How do you feel about them? Is there ever a thought that goes through your brain? Is this guy ever going to ask me, like, if I’m married or if I have kids or who I am or what I do? Is he going to just tell me about all the things he has or that she has? You can get on an airplane.
Try this.
Get on an airplane and sit down next to the.
And don’t ever tell them anything about you.
Just ask them questions about them when they get off the airplane.
They will love you.
They will give you referrals.
They’ll make a post for you.
They’ll do anything you need them to do.
How to skillfully talk to people.
Engage in conversations that focus on the other person.
We talked about that use the word you more than I, me or my.
The words I, me or my.
You should start to like, have.
I wish we could have an electric shock every time we say a word.
That’s self.
How to make people feel important.
This is really an interesting one.
Listen attentively, use their names and show genuine interest.
Recognize and appreciate people to make them feel valued.
You ever meet somebody, especially on Zoom, where you’re on Zoom with them and they keep glancing down at their phone? You want to instantly destroy your relationship and credibility with someone? Do that now.
If you have to do it, at least acknowledge that you’re doing it.
Excuse me, I’m sorry.
This is an important message from my wife.
I apologize you all understand, but when you’re multitasking on Zoom or in person, people don’t like it.
They want to know that you’re interested in them, that you’re paying attention to them, that you’re focused on them.
Now we talk about look people in the eye.
Well, you’ll see that in a minute.
All right, so here we go.
How to agree with people.
Develop an agreeable nature and communicate positively.
Avoid unnecessary disagreements.
And what’s the last line say? Oh, that’s a rough one for a lot of you.
Admit when being wrong, very difficult.
Very difficult.
You ought to notice when someone says something to you and you disagree and you immediately want to attack back.
You want to be right as soon as you want to be right now, you may be right, like, you may be certain you’re right, but does that serve the situation? Does it move the ball forward? Your whole life sucks.
You are right.
You are right.
It does.
You tell somebody who’s been paying for it for ten years that like that, they instantly put up a guard.
They instantly don’t like you.
So you got to gradually, you’ll see that have another race.
So the art of being agreeable, people like those who agree with them.
I love this.
People dislike those who disagree with them.
People don’t like being disagreed with.
So one of the things you’ve got to start to study as you get into this business, you start doing this business, you start doing interviews, you start doing kitchen tables, you start doing follow ups, you start engaging, you’re rallying your team.
You’re here at events like this.
Some of you have traveled with people, and you’re with people you don’t really know.
You’re staying in the same room with them or the same house with them right now.
And some of them are very likable, and some of them really aren’t.
And you’ve already figured it out.
Why don’t you try to figure out how to have them be likable? Why don’t you search for what’s right about what’s wrong with them? Find out what you like.
Do your best.
Actually notice.
You know what? I don’t really like this person.
Can I have them be my friend? I have a lot of clients that I’ve written a lot of business with that I didn’t really like how to listen to people, be an attentive listener, ask questions and stay focused on the speaker’s topic.
Use body language to show you’re engaged.
There should be another line here.
I think he wrote in there it says, don’t interrupt people when they’re talking.
Sometimes we’re so fast, you ever have somebody, they start to ask you a question? You already know what the question is.
Like, some of you, is this a pyramid? I mean, you could say, well, do you like pyramids? Yeah.
I’ve been looking to get in one, a legal one.
Do you know where there’s a legal one? Be an active listener.
Listen.
And, Anne, when you interrupt, by the way, I find myself.
I interrupt people.
I know this about myself.
I’m quick to, but I notice.
And as soon as I do it, I go, oh, I just did that.
And then I go, excuse me.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t let you finish.
I apologize.
People love that.
Notice the next time someone does that with you.
How about this one? Five rules of a good listener.
Look at the person.
Now, when you look at the person.
Don’t.
Sometimes I toss and look at the person.
Then they’re, like, practicing looking, and it gets really spooky.
So you got to learn how to not have it be spooky.
Lean forward.
Ask questions.
Stick to the subject.
Don’t interrupt.
Use the speaker’s words.
You and your right how to influence people.
We’ve got three minutes.
Okay, let me move.
Understand what motivates people and align it with your objectives.
Communicate how they can achieve their desires through your proposals.
I love Andy.
I love Andy when he does, like, worst case, best case, clothes.
Actually, he does.
Best case, worst case, best case, you come in here, and whatever they told you, they know, and Vance said it, find out what people want.
But I say it this way, find out what people want that they do not have, that they will not get unless they change something.
So what do they want? What’s important to them? What are their goals? Do they want to make extra income? Do they want to work from home? Do they want it to be remote? Do they want to be able to own a business? Do they want to make a half a million or a million dollars a year? Do they want to pass something on to their kids? Do they want to be generous and give to others and help? What do they want? And then you find out what they want.
And then you align what they want with your objectives.
Best case, you come in here, you get license, you learn, and you get XYZ.
Worst case, you come in here, you get all your licenses.
And you learn how to never be taken advantage of financially again.
So what do you like best about which of those interests you most? Or what do you like best about what you’ve seen so far.
So when you say, what do you like best about what you’ve seen so far? And they start talking, they’re in.
Got that Monday morning, 845 from Andy on the big hitter call.
Find out what people want.
You simply show people how they can get what they want by doing what you want them to do.
How to convince people, use indirect means of persuasion, like citing others experiences or opinions.
I’ve only got two minutes left.
I may not get through all this, but I want to tell you a story about Josh Santana out of Arizona.
So I’m with Josh.
Josh never calls me by my first name.
He always calls me Mr.
Lavin.
Always Mr.
Lavin.
And it’s almost a little weird, but he says, yes, Mr.
Lavin.
I love your stuff.
Mr.
Lavin.
It’s so nice to meet you, Mr.
Lavin.
So I was with him the other day at the senior leadership meeting, and I was talking to him.
He’s got all sorts of recruiting going on.
I said, so, josh, what’s your secret to getting somebody to? He says, oh, I’m great at getting a list.
I’m great at getting a list.
I can get a list.
How do you get a list? What do you say to get a list? He says, oh, I say to people this basic.
He says, I say to people, like, if you were going to get married, you want to get married in a castle? Would you married at the ocean, or you want to get married at a church? And let’s say the person says, I want to get married in a castle.
He says, great.
Okay, so who would you invite to the castle? And then he starts getting his list.
I said, josh, okay, that’s great, but what do you do before you get to that conversation? He said, well, what I do before I get to that conversation is I paint a picture that was painted for me.
He said, when I got into business, I just got license, and I went out and I wrote a sale, and I tried to call my manager, and my manager didn’t pick up, and I went out on another appointment, and I closed another sale.
So I closed my first two sales, and I called my manager.
I wanted a debriefing, and my manager wasn’t picking up.
And finally, at about 1030, my manager called me and says, hey, what’s up, josh? And I said, hey, I made two sales.
I was trying to get a hold of you.
I wanted to debrief.
He says, I’m sorry, josh.
I was watching a movie with my wife, and I put my phone on Silence.
And so I’m just seeing your messages now.
I apologize.
Okay.
And then he said, well, josh, do you know how much.
What was the premium? He says, do you know, josh, you did two sales for $1,000 at 50%.
You made $1,000 tonight.
Okay.
I didn’t realize.
Yeah.
He says, but, josh, here’s the amazing thing.
While I was watching tv with my wife, since I’m your RVP and you’re direct to me, I made one $200.
And by the way, Josh, you made one $200.
Yeah.
And, Josh, while you made those two sales, I had three other people make a couple of sales.
I made about four grand tonight watching tv with my wife.
So, Josh, let me ask you a question.
Would you rather be you or me in this? So, I’d rather be you.
He says, well, I’m a broker.
You’re an agent.
I think you’d be a great broker.
Would you like me to teach you how to be a broker, or would you like to stay an agent? He said, that’s the conversation I use before I get the list.
Because once they say, I want to be a broker, they’re saying, I want to be a recruiter.
I want to be an RVP.
I want to be a business owner.
I want to build something big.
I want to sit on the sofa and get paid.
When someone else works, that’s what they’re telling you.
And that start with a big list.
Okay.
So use experiences in telling stories to people.
That’s a story I will tell over and over again.
Okay.
How to make people’s minds up.
Give people a reason to say yes.
Ask yes questions.
Give people a choice between two yeses.
Would you rather help people, or do you like the idea of building a big business which interests you most with your kids? You want to take out the garbage, or would you like to do the dishes? Either answer is a yes.
It does not matter.
Expect people to say yes.
How to set people’s moods.
I got to move.
Sorry.
Use a positive approach.
Sorry.
We’re not getting there.
Here we go.
Push buttons the correct way.
After 44 years, please use a positive approach.
And smile.
Smile.
You have 1 second to make a good first impression.
People make decisions about us immediately.
Okay.
How to praise people.
Offer sincere praise.
Focus on letting people know the good that they do.
It’s so easy to find the wrong, find out what they’re doing right.
How to critique people.
The best in the world that I ever met at critiquing people is Jimmy Meyer.
I watched Jimmy do this over and over to other people.
And then one day, he did it to me.
He told me how wonderful I was.
How much he appreciates being.
Doing business together and doing meetings together.
And then I was gossiping about some stupid thing.
Then he told me about that thing I was saying.
And then when I was all done feeling like crap because I had done something wrong, he built me back up and sent me on my way, feeling good about myself again.
How to thank people.
Thank you, Jimmy.
How to thank people.
Express genuine interest.
Gratitude.
Using names.
Understand the power of appreciation.
How to make a good impression.
Exhibit confidence.
Show respect.
Positive regard.
Learn how to shake someone’s hands.
Learn how to look them in the eye.
Learn how to smile.
Learn how to be engaged.
Be interested.
Listen.
Pay attention.
Don’t get distracted.
And when you’re not doing all those things, just learn how to notice what you’re not doing.
Study this subject.
Study skills with people.
Study the art of dealing with people.
All the rest will come if people like and trust you.
Thank you all.
