Executive TLDR
Competitiveness is unlocked when you fully commit to excellence.
Downward thinking (“at least I’m here”) creates comfort and stagnation.
The silver medal paradox shows how upward comparison drives improvement.
Regret is painful but is one of the greatest teachers for growth.
Avoiding discomfort today creates massive regret later.
Believing you have plenty of time is one of the most dangerous lies.
Use future reflection and urgency to push beyond average.
Video Summary
David Kim dives into the psychology of counterfactual thinking—the habit of imagining alternative outcomes—and how it directly affects performance and income. He explains that many people claim they are “not competitive,” but competitiveness naturally appears when someone has invested time and effort into mastering something.
Using the Olympic medal study, he introduces the silver medal paradox. Bronze medalists often feel happier because they compare downward (“at least I made the podium”), while silver medalists compare upward (“I was close to gold”). That upward comparison creates temporary regret—but also fuels improvement.
Kim warns that many professionals hide behind downward thinking statements like “at least I didn’t quit” or “at least I’m still here.” While gratitude is important, excessive downward comparison leads to complacency and stalled growth.
He emphasizes that regret is not the enemy—it is a teacher. Upward counterfactual thinking forces honest evaluation and pushes higher standards. The true danger is assuming there is always more time. When people reflect at the end of life, the most painful words are “if only.”
His message is clear: allow future regret to motivate present action. Growth requires discomfort, urgency, competitiveness, and a refusal to settle for average.
FAQs
What is counterfactual thinking?
It is the mental habit of imagining alternative outcomes to events that have already occurred.
What is downward thinking?
It is comparing your results to worse outcomes to feel better, which often creates complacency.
What is upward thinking?
It is comparing your results to better outcomes, which may create regret but drives growth.
Why is regret useful?
Regret highlights missed opportunities and pushes individuals to improve performance and standards.
What is the main warning in this message?
Believing you have unlimited time and settling for comfort will create deep future regret.
Glossary
Counterfactual Thinking – Imagining alternative outcomes to past events.
Downward Counterfactual – Comparing to worse outcomes to feel relief or comfort.
Upward Counterfactual – Comparing to better outcomes to identify improvement gaps.
Silver Medal Paradox – The psychological effect where silver medalists feel less satisfied than bronze medalists due to upward comparison.
Complacency – Self-satisfaction that blocks progress and growth.
Legacy Thinking – Making decisions based on long-term impact and how you will be remembered.
Transcription:
All right, let’s get right into it. I got a lot to cover with you in a short amount of time. How many of you guys believe that you are just not a competitive person? Anyone. You just naturally. You’re just not very competitive. And what I’ve come to realize in Primerica, you have to be competitive. What you’re saying is that you haven’t worked on something and given it your all to be perfect and really get behind it. Because think about this for a second. Think about your hobbies or think about things that you love to do and you poured out hours, weeks, months, years perfecting and getting really good at that. And then somebody comes into your industry or your hobby and just starts getting recognized for doing nothing. How would you feel? How would you feel? You. They didn’t do anything.
I’ve been pouring my soul into this. How are they getting recognized? See, that natural tendency to be competitive comes out when you know you’ve dedicated your time and energy into something. Would you guys agree with that? Yes. So when you think about Primerica, you start to become competitive. When you start your journey in excellence in this business and perfecting your skill. Would you guys agree with that? Right. I’m going to be talking fast and blowing through this, but I want to talk about this sub called if Only There is a dot, dot. Okay, so let’s go into it. This is kind of getting into your brains a little bit. Let’s talk about this. This is counterfactual thinking. I know it’s very wordy, but stay with me, guys, and I would encourage you guys, jot down some notes. This is what the definition says. Okay?
Counterfactual thinking involves mentally exploring alternative possibilities to events that have already occurred or. Or that are likely to occur. So let me give you some examples of this counterfactual thinking. Examples are, if only I had studied harder, I would have passed the exam. Anybody ever feel like that? If only. If only. What if I had taken that other job instead? What if I had not shown up to the opportunity meeting? What if I had not started dating this girl or guy? Where would I be if I had been standing three feet to the left? Oh, my gosh. What could have happened? Interesting study. So there’s a study on Olympic medalists here. And this is a very fascinating story. So check this out, Right? So it’s black and white for a reason. Can you guess who the gold medalist is?
Can you guess who the gold medal is? Check the picture out. The gold medalist is. Ta da. The middle, right? Why? Because you know when you go up on stage, that’s the way the stage is. All right? You guys are smart. Can anyone guess who the bronze medalist is? Who says right? Who says right? It’s like the right side of the room. Who says right? Bronze medalist. Who says left? All right, check this out. Guess who the silver medalist is? All right, so let’s do a close up, shall we? And I’m going to kind of examine through this. This is the gold medalist. And they’ve done surveys and studies of all these Olympic gold medalists. And out of all the things, these are the expression of feelings that they get, okay? Surreal and unbelievable.
All these years of dedication, years they gave up their childhood. And it’s surreal when they get up on that podium. Another feeling of exhilaration and joy. The satisfaction, the relief. Oh, my gosh, the pride. They can now justify the sacrifices and all the people around them that sacrifice their parents driving them to practice at 4am in the meeting, they can justify all those sacrifices. A feeling of accomplishment. Now, all the RVPs. Do you remember when you walked up on stage getting promoted to regional vice president? How many of you guys felt some of that right there, right? To all the RVP’s. Now, to all the budding RVPs. That is something to look forward to. It’s like a. But check this out. Now, this is where we got to put on our thinking caps. This is downward counterfactual thinking. What the heck is that?
Let’s read the definition. It says this involves imagining a less positive outcome than the one that actually occurred. Bronze medalists might focus on the fact that they won a medal at all rather than dwelling on the fact that they didn’t win gold, leading to feelings of satisfaction and relief. So let’s kind of translate that, right? So the bronze medalist actually seems and looks happier than the silver medalist because they’re like, whoa, you know, I should be grateful I’m on stage. Look at that. Look at that schmo over there. He’s on fourth place. I just beat him by a millisecond. And I’m on stage. And that guy is not. Ha, ha, I’m on stage. So this, what they call downward counterfactual thinking is feeling. And don’t get this. Don’t get the mistake that we have to have an attitude of gratitude.
But this downward counterfactual thinking is like saying, hey, we should be grateful for the job that we have. Instead of thinking like this, look at the silver medals. Does she look happy? She is. Number Two in the freaking world. And this is the expression, look at this. It says, this type of thinking involves imagining a more positive outcome than the one that actually occurred. In the context of Olympic medals, silver medalists might think about how they could have won gold, leading to feelings of regret or disappointment. So where are we going with this, Dave? If I had just run a little faster, done a little bit more, I would have won gold. This is called the silver medalist paradox. By the way, she’s a silver medalist.
It says the phenomenon of bronze medalists appearing happier than silver medalists is often attributed to the difference in how they frame their results. With silver medalists engaging in upward counterfactuals and bronze medalists engaging in downward counterfactuals. Is your head spinning yet? Let’s wrap our head around this. So which is better is the question. Which is better? You say? It says, regret is an upward counterfactual. Right? Which is what? Like the silver medalist regret. Regret is a powerful word. Anybody regret anything in their lives? You guys have any regrets? How do you live with yourself? No. Everybody’s got some regrets through their life, right? But see, regret is the greatest teacher in the world because you know that feeling when you have regret. Nobody likes to live with regret. When you have that feeling of regret.
And if you said, if I could just do it over again, would you? Would you? If only makes us do better by making ourselves feel worse. Temporarily. Just giving it a second to let it just marinate and sink in for a second. Here are some of the takeaways. We tend to avoid feeling regret, don’t we? Because we’re like, there are some people, especially in the world of Primerica, they want to look at the rainbows and sunshine and sunflowers, and they’re like, well, at least I’m on the team. At least I didn’t quit. By the way, those are danger signs when you get old, person walk into your office, say, hey, I’m not going nowhere. At least I didn’t quit, man. They already like waving that flag. How about this? We are too focused on downward counterfactual, which is what we’re talking about.
Well, at least I’m here. I’ve been showing up for the past 10 years. At least I’m still showing up. I ain’t going nowhere, Dave. I’m like, see, that’s the problem. Some of you guys are not going to like me after this, right? The repeat offenders, we don’t learn the lessons were supposed to learn. And I think by far the biggest one that I’m going to share with you right now that I see. We believe we have plenty of time. All right, so here are some takeaways. Let’s just wrap this up and imagine. Imagine you can foresee your future. And you are. I don’t want to say deathbed, but you’re kind of by a rocking chair, you’re at the last kind of stages of your life, and you’re reflecting back on your life.
And what was scary to me, when you can just kind of close your eyes and envision and fast forward and you look at it and say, these are the words of regret. If only I just pushed a little bit more to get to rvp, svp, nsd, snsd. If only I saved a little bit more money. If only I created a legacy. If only I just gave it a little bit more for just a little bit longer. If only I reached my full potential. If only I contributed more to the world. If only I left something significant behind so that my great grandkids would remember my name. If only I could have been truly proud of myself. If only I didn’t care so much of what others thought of me. If only I didn’t quit.
Will you allow the if only to transform you, to do the uncomfortable, to have that. That feeling of future regret, to do something about it? You gotta get uncomfortable. You’ve gotta feel that to get moving. And I hope you can learn the lessons of pain. Let’s make some changes within here so we can make the changes out there. Proud to be in business with you guys.
